49ers Head Coach Interviews
NFL playoffs! It’s that time of the year when many of the NFL teams who didn’t make the playoffs fire coaches and GMs. My beloved San Francisco 49ers were sadly in that group this year after firing head coach Jim Tomsula after a disastrous year on the job. There is a ton of speculation about coaching candidates who are interested in a position with this storied franchise. Mike Shanahan! Sean Payton! Mike Holmgren! Chip Kelly! And that’s only former head coaches, not the plethora of coordinators and other candidates being considered.
I’ve been outspoken about how horrible the 49ers ownership and front office have been. Most of us fans have suffered mightily since the glory days of Montana & Young brought home 5 Super Bowl Championships. We lived through bad, horrible, and even worse. Finally Jim Harbaugh appeared and everything was AMAZING. He took a losing team and immediately made it into a football powerhouse. Fans were rejoicing for three years until GM Trent Baalke & CEO Jed York (son of the owners) interfered and eventually fired him. Last year’s offseason was without a doubt the worst in the entire history of the NFL. And probably the worst in all of professional sports. Hall of fame caliber players literally walked away from millions of dollars and had to repay bonuses so that they did not have to play for this team and its dysfunctional management.
So I’m left wondering what exactly happens during these head coach interviews and why anyone would want the job?
GM: So tell us about what you think San Francisco needs to turn the team around?
HC: We have to be realistic. Without high draft picks or a lot of talent, this will be a rebuilding process over 1, 2, maybe 3 years. I would start at QB and with the offensive line, without that…
CEO: The last coach we hired, well the coach before the last, took a team with a 6–10 record and without any real roster changes went 13–3 getting to the NFC Championship. Can you do that?
HC: Well, Jim Harbaugh was an exceptional coach…
CEO: I’m not unreasonable, our record this year was 5–11, so if you can take the team to 12–4 next year, that’s all we’re looking for. Did I do that math right, Trent?
GM: Yep, those numbers are right Jed, you’re a statistical genius. But let’s not focus on just the numbers. How do you approach the player-coach relationship? What’s your strategy to build rapport?
HC: In my opinion it starts with trust. Everyone needs to understand that we’re working together towards a shared goal. I want to get know each of the players individually. Myself and my coaching team…
GM: So you want to hire your own coordinators, assistants, and trainers?
HC: If I’m responsible for our wins & losses on the field, then I need to be able to build a coaching team with the same philosophy and vision…
GM: But let’s just say for instance that I have a few guys who are really good and should be part of that coaching team. Sort of like “my guys”, but they’ll totally work with your system. And my system.
HC: That doesn’t seem like a recipe for success…
CEO: That’s a great topic to dive into, how would you define success during your tenure as the head coach?
HC: Certainly wins & losses will be important metrics, following by divisional and conference championships with the ultimate goal being another Super Bowl victory. On the road to that, we’ll need to look at…
CEO: Numbers don’t always tell the story. For example, Harbaugh had a record of 44–19–1 in his four years, which is the 5th best NFL coaching record of all time. Heck, he was 36–11–1 if you exclude the year we started to undermine him and that would have put him in the top 3 above Vince Lombardi! 3 straight NFC championship appearances and 1 Super Bowl appearance. Just one catch away from 2 straight Super Bowl trips. That all sounds good but numbers aren’t everything.
HC: So what do you two think success means?
GM: Clearly you have to win games, get to the playoffs, and win a Super Bowl. That’s obvious and Harbaugh was great at that. But beyond that, its important that the fans knows its a team effort. The players, the coaches, and of course, the GM, and CEO are really a big part of that success.
CEO: Exactly, its important for the fans to know that I am, I mean we are, a big reason for that success. Just because I’ve never played football or really accomplished anything or even had an actual job that my mom didn’t give me, it doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t get credit for those victories.
GM: Right, I mean just because we have never played football before and no other football team on the planet would ever hire us, doesn’t mean we weren’t the most important part of those three years when the 49ers were winning.
HC: Hey guys, I’m starting to think this might not be a great fit.
CEO: Hold on, let’s not be too hasty. I need to find a coach who can win. Every single person who loves the 49ers wants my parents to sell the team. They’re even flying banners. And sending mean tweets.
https://twitter.com/RobSchneider/status/671170472797540352
CEO: If my parents sell the team, I’m out of a job. I’ll have to move back to Ohio and become an unemployed trust fund kid. But I’m not just thinking of myself. What would Trent do? No one would keep him around either.
GM: Yeah, that’s true. Hey Jed, maybe you could give me one of those contracts like Jimmy got. I’m not the head coach, but maybe you just pay me $1M for every win that the 49ers have had since I was GM, cool?
CEO: We could probably afford that with all the cash we’ll get from the new stadium which we built off Harbaugh’s winning record. And from the subsidies Santa Clara paid to get us to screw San Francisco and move the team 40 miles south. Hey, that reminds me, we better get planning for the Super Bowl 50 VIP parties that we’re going to attend since we can’t go to all of them. Its going to be big, my mom is even flying in from Ohio for that game!
As with all fans, I’m hoping that we can find another great head coach but I just don’t see that happening while an incompetent owner and GM control the team. Can anyone save the 49ers?
